I have been trying to post this for days and days but every time I sit to write it.. something else comes up.

This past weekend was a quite wonderous plethora of contrasts…. (sounds great… makes no sense…. big deal…. bite me… its my journal…)

Last Friday, Barbie and myself took a little trip into Cornwall… it started well with me taking almost 40 minutes in terrible traffice which was getting worse and worse just to get to her house…. I had glanced in my rear view mirror on a number of occassions thinking to myself “Barbies nowhere to be seen.. she must have gotten caught up in traffic”… and my cell phone had rung on a number of occassions (which I ignored because I don’t answer the phone when I am driving). I hung out at Barbies house for a while before her phone rang and I answered it… Much simpler reason for Barbie being nowhere to be seen… I had her keys…. She laughed hysterically down the phone telling me “Moose.. I’m still at work.. my car keys are in your bag”… meh.. so.. a round trip back to the city to give her her keys.. and we were finally on our way for the weddings dress trip.

My enthusiasm for this trip was fuelled by the prospect of getting my hands on a great wig that I had picked up in the shop the last time I was there. Sadly the people in the shop this time were of far darker humour than before and so I dutifully kept my mouth shut.. tooks a shit load of pictures and “ooohed” and “aaaahhhed” in the right places. It goes without saying that Babies dress is quite beautiful.. and that she does indeed look like the perfect princess in it… sparkles all over and a train fit for a princess… (can anyone say choo choo?)

Saturday wasn’t quite so joyous sadly. As Barbie and Ken are getting married in Turkey on a huge family holiday with 15 various friends and family surrounding them they thought thought it a great idea to have a “Meet the families” BBQ on Saturday… the DAY went beautifully with me just generally keeping the children out of the way whilst Barbie and Ken prepared food and sorted drinks out. We walked Bailey the puppy a number of times and he kept the children entertained for quite some time especially when he discovered a liking for Guinness.. or perhaps it was the widget inside the can he was after.




Barbie and Ken’s respective parents arrived (his with friends in tow - more of whom later) and everything appeared to be going swimmingly… The weather was beautiful… and as the sun went down I took a few pictures of HB and Barbie’s daughter which were pretty cool but definately could have been better.

Sadly Ken’s mother has a penchant for alcohol and after collecting some more family members, she hit the bottle.. and the next bottle.. and the next.. and, before we knew it, a friendly conversation about the colour of the shirts that the men in the bridal party were wearing… turned into a full scall screaming match between Ken and his Mother and Father.

Needless to say I was in charge of calling taxis and getting rid of the now incredibly wasted parents and that would also seem like a simple thing to do. Not on a Saturday night in Plymouth it wasn’t. The taxi driver actually drove past the house three times before.. after the failed third attemt at collection had resulted in Barbie screaming up the stairs “Moose please get that taxi back at any cost” we were shot of them.. not before tears from the 8 year old… giggles from the 10 year old and hysterical laughter from the 14 year old HB and her friend…

The “friends” who had come with Ken’s Mother and Father actually left arguing… even though they had stayed impartial and uninvolved throughout the evening….

There was a point at around midnight when Barbie and I.. and HB and Barbies eldest daughter.. were all under the duvet in her dauhter’s bedroom giggling heartily.. and bemoning the fact that between Barbie and myself we had managed to drink almost 2 bottle of Tia Maria.. and two bottles of wine..and yet because of Ken’s Motrher were now both stone cold sober… neither of us were very happy… so you know how expensive Tia Maria is?????

Huh????

Sunday was a mad turn around day.. home quickly… then straight back out to drive down to Cornwall to take HB down to the SD for the week. I had floods of tears from HB and a severe reluctance to go but she relented int he end… I tried to explain to her that this may be the last week she gets to spend with him before Christmas.. and with My Boy being here for Christmas… I know her well enough to know she wont want to be down in the darkest depths of Cornwall with her “Daddy” when she can be up in Plymouth with Cheese Boy and me….

I pretty much expected the trip to Cornwall to be fraught with traffic jams and tailbacks.. but it was actually relatively painless…. we left as Kimi Raikkonen was safely though the first corner of the inaugural Turkish Grand Prix and I was home again in time to see him lift the trophy for winning.. not bad on a baking hot Sunday in August…

Sunday evening was spent in quiet silence.. I hate it when HB isn’t around.. My Boy was off watching nutcases throwing themselves around on motorbikes.. (FMX at the Dew Action Sports Tour in Portland) and so I sulked.. and watched Casino.. and American History X…

Did I mention I hate Ryan Nyquist…