all in the past...

I’m bored of the winter… its been so cold the last few days its not even been funny.  Its March…. its almost Spring…. my Camelias are flowering no matter how much I shout at them and tell them its too early and there are crocuses and snowdrops in my garden and no matter how cold it gets they still battle on.  I’ve had to scrape the ice off the car on only two occassions this week whilst the rest of the country seems to be battling blizzards.. though Mellie tells me she keeps getting snow but it just melts away again.   One of the LA’s at work lives way up on the Moors.. at Princetown no less.. and shes driven through snow each morning this week.. I’m tempted to drive up on Sunday just to take a look and get some photos.

However… it may be Winter still… but I’m already thinking about Summer.  Although I like the Winter (when its not raining) I love the Summer more than any other season.  Working where I do means that on most evenings in the Summer instead of heading home after work HB meets me at the office and we make the short walk up onto The Hoe.  Its a beautiful place to be on Summer evening.  Facing due South West as it does, the evenings last so long that you almost feel as though the sun is never going to go down…..sunsets can be amazing and… and with a wide variety of restaurants, cafes and bars its a fabulous place to hang out.  The fish and chip shops are rather marvellous too.

I can’t wait for the Summer.. I’ve decided that come the end of April when the weather starts to get better I’ll go back to my contracted hours of only 9-3 and enjoy the sunny afternoons with HB relaxing up on the Hoe or just home in the garden… if I plan things right it might even mean we can get to Whitsand Bay on the beach on some days during the week when its quieter.  I’m determined to make more of this Summer… I basically wasted the last summer fretting about My Boy getting his rocks off with some Hillbilly Whore and this year is going to be very very different.  My life is no longer going to be about making unattainable goals and waiting/hoping for dreams to come true.  I’m living for NOW.. not tomorrow…

Carpe Diem….

Its taken me a few months and despite recent notes in my journal where I have moaned bitterly about work and other small gripes and whines… I’ve pretty much returned to being MYSELF… the smiley… happy… devil may care… daft crazy red head that I used to be before I turned into a gibbering wreck who was in danger of drowning in her own self pity and had surrounded herself with a brick wall that had a sign attached saying “Don’t bother being nice to me because I’m engaged to a man who lives 5,000 miles away who seems to forget I exist sometimes and I’m slowly dying here.”

And balls and arse.. but hell… what have I gotten myself into by letting my guard down and smiling again… and being me…

Now make no mistake here.. I’m not a stunning woman… I will not make you turn your head for a second look at me and neither will I blow you away with my beauty…. but I do scrub up ok.  Theres this guy…. a really cute solicitor from another firm in the same street as our office.  Hes new to the area ( I overheard him telling NMDP that he had come down from Reading or Berkshire.. I can’t quite recall) and he is… quite simply.. rather bloody handsome.  All the ladies in the office have been mooning over him whenever he comes in… (its funny how reception fills up when he is waiting for a Solicitor to come down to see him).  From the short conversations I have had with him.. hes also extremely charming… funny… smart and polite.  Did I mention hes particularly handsome as well.  Now there is also the added bonus of him being around my age.. I can’t quite figure out if he is just looking damn good for his age (if hes in his early 40’s) or whether hes looking his age and in his late 30’s.. (*gags at the thought of being in her late 30’s).

I don’t remember when he started phoning the office.. I think it was before Christmas… but I certainly recall his first actual appearance in the office.  It was my birthday and he had called in to see NMDP and they were talking in Reception when the girls presented me with a small Birthday cake with a candle in it and some wise ass made a comment about collecting birthday kisses and NMDP had grabbed my hand and kissed it and CSG (as he will forever be referred to) took my other hand and kissed it saying that as he didn’t know my name he felt it only right he should concentrate on my extremities.  I accepted his gesture as a bit of fun and thought nothing more about it.  Anyway.. hes been phoning and calling into the office on a fairly regular basis for a few weeks now… and hes always so incredibly polite.. and complimentary… and although I was aware that he was flirting with me as well.. I thought nothing of it.  When he phones the office I always know its him.. not because I recognise his voice.. but because he will actually say “Good morning/afternoon Carol-anne” and NOBODY calls me Carol-anne anymore.  Nobody….

Anyway… he’s been using us for making oaths and swearing documents and hes also hand delivered a few pieces of mail on a particularly important case that we have going on at the moment… and well.. arghhhhhh… today.. today… he full on hit on me and asked me out on a date. And I’m ashamed to admit it… but to be honest.. and where else can I be totally honest but in my journal… I liked it… it made me feel desirable and it made me feel attractive and it made me feel good.  It also succeeded in throwing me for a loop… mainly because I’m just not used to it.  I wasn’t sure how to handle it.. I’ve forgotten how to handle it.  Yes.. I’ve been hit on in the past and dealt with it quickly and efficiently.. telling the men concerned (yes its happened more than once) that I’m engaged to be married and that I’m just not interested.

However.. this guy… well hell.. theres no getting away from it.. hes damn fine and the realisation that someone like him would be interested in someone like me has given my ego the huge boost that it has so badly needed lately.  Its made me feel desirable.. its made me feel attractive… its made me feel alive.

Now don’t be mistaken here… I thanked him for his delightful compliment and invitation to dinner but turned him down making a point of touching my earings and hair with my left hand flashing my carats at him.  His apology and smile and wishes for friendship were refreshing… and interesting… and intriguing.  Thing is… I’m sure he had seen my engagement ring before… it is kinda hard not to notice… but that didn’t seem to stop him wanting me to know he was interested in me.  What was kinda cute was that after I declined his invitation he asked if it would make a difference to my rejection of him if he told me he can get a table at Tanners at a moments notice… Tanners…. mmmmmmm… thats one of the best damn restaurants this side of Bristol…. and the Tanner brothers are hot too….

Now if he’d asked me a couple of months ago…..

I really have nothing to say… work is mental…. PSNM is gearing up to cause problems again and digital dictation is driving me batty…

I’ve had to install the damn thing on so many pc’s its stupid… and whats more tiresome is that i have to then teach each person individually how to use it.. because they all have different levels of understanding about computers. It really is SO simple.. choose the dictated file you wish to transcribe.. double click.. use your foot pedal (which is identical to the foot pedal we all used with our old dictaphones) and start typing. ITS THAT BLOODY SIMPLE.!!!! It really is….

I haven’t heard from My Boy in over a week and I’m basically just downright cheesed off and pissy about that… its always the same… he promises so much and then just lets me down again and again and again… it sickens me to my core sometimes.

I’m pretty uninspired to write at the moment.. well… not uninspired.. just tired.. fractious and busy.. and on top of that I have a sneaking suspicion that I have what I suspect is going to turn into a full blown bout of flu or a chest infection. That being the case I’m falling back on my inspiration memes to help out…

Would you rather:

1. have your purse/wallet stolen OR your car stolen?

• My Car… seriously… my life is in my purse…. my car.. it NEEDS to be stolen so I have the insurance money to help replace it.

2. have a ticket to the grammy awards show OR the academy awards?

• ooooh the Grammys.. unless of course J-Lo and Mark the latest husband are singing… then again.. if I was Robert De Niro or Al Pacino’s date for the Academy Awards… or Orlando Bloom.. that boy needs a good woman….

3. be three feet taller OR three feet shorter?

• taller… it would mean i could make vast amounts of money as a basketball player…..

4. for the rest of your life, talk like yoda OR breathe like darth vader?

• When I’m sick I already do breathe like Darth Vader so I’m sure if I were to talk in riddles like Yoda things would be cool….

Yesterday was about to turn into yet another totally wasted day vegging around the house.  I had chores to do… Hannah Banana had homework to do but I went outside to hang some washing out in the early afternoon and it was positively WARM… the wind was cold admittedly.. but tucked away in behind the fences on my patio it was pleasant enough for me not to have to rush in and out doors.  So… we did a runner and disappeared off to the Hoe and Barbican for a walk.  It was beautiful.  We popped into the City first to do a little shopping then parked the car up and went off for a walk.

We wandered around for ages through the Barbican mooching in and out of all the little shops that are down there which seem to be specifically designed to take money from unsuspecting tourists.  Then of course we stopped for a pot of tea and a slice of cake in The Strand Tearooms.  Lemon Curd cake no less.

When we came out we wandered back up through the Barbican going past the Citadel towards where the car was parked.  We made conversation with the guys on the gate and as we wandered off HB asked “Why do they have to have guns?”  We then went on to have a conversation about national security and war in general.. and as we wandered back towards the Hoe we were met by the most beautiful sunset  I took a couple of pictures.  For the next 20 minutes we wandered back towards the car stopping every few minutes to take pictures of the beautiful sunset.  Finally.. just as the sun was going down… we stopped down by the yacht club and took a ton of pictures as the sun fnally disappeared down behind Mount Edgcumbe Park.  I’ll put them all into a Photo Album at some point.

It was the first time HB had actually watched a sunset.